Stop the self help addiction

I know how easy it is to get sucked into information-idis and self-help overload. It seems like all of us are on the search for a way to make ourselves “better”. And while there is nothing inherently wrong with learning and growing as a person, where I and others seem to get ourselves screwed up is in the thinking that other people have the answers for us. They don’t. Not really. They might spark a knowing you already have and that can be hugely helpful, but no one out there can or should have the answers for you.

And frankly all of this searching for an answer leads to us boxing ourselves in as a problem. See, if you are on the constant search for what can “fix” what is “wrong” with you, you will definitely find it. Especially in this day and age. There is no shortage of people who want to tell you about their program or method that worked so amazing and will surely change your life. But what if the only “problem” here is that you think you have a problem in the first place?

Years of comparing my life to everyone else’s led me to obsessively seek out how to finally be the person I thought I should be. Meanwhile the rest of me was sitting there taking this all in and feeling pretty darn shitty about myself.

Imagine being in a relationship with someone who is constantly pointing out your flaws, analyzing what your problem is, comparing you to others and searching for a way to “help” you get “better”. Well that is the relationship I had with myself. It feels like shit when someone else does it and many of us wouldn’t tolerate another person telling us these things but for some reason we not only tolerate it from ourselves, we torture and brutalize ourselves with it. I certainly did.

I was so full of the noise of everyone else’s opinions and thoughts and programs and fixes that I couldn’t hear myself beyond the persistent voice telling me I had to find the “right” answer until one day I realized that I needed to STOP it all.

Stop asking everyone else what I should do. Stop signing up for new programs, free seminars, weekend workshops, podcasts and emails. Stop searching Facebook and Instagram for what other people had to offer.  Stop telling myself I needed “help”.

Instead I decided to start to look for what is right about me and what I already possess. I started to ask questions to myself so my own wisdom could emerge. I started to be kinder to myself and honor that my life and experience and education already equip me with what I need if I were to just stop searching and start listening.

So now I’m listening. I take walks without headphones- no one else’s voice in my head. I sit in nature and feel the life around me. I check in before I listen to or read anything and before I have conversations to see if it will enhance my life and what I already know. And in this listening and inquiry with myself, I have found greater peace and trust and a knowing that when I do make decisions and choices in my life, and when I engage with life and with others that I am coming from the place inside of me that was always there but just waiting for a quiet moment to arise and show me the way.

Kicking the self help addiction can be difficult. I have been on this detox for quite a while and know that it can be hard alone. My mission is to support others to uncover their own inner wisdom and develop a trust in themselves so that they can approach their lives and the decisions and choices they need to make from a place of deep love and trust in themselves. If you could use some support in letting go of the seeking and searching and coming back home to your own self knowledge lets connect. Send me an email or set up a time to chat with me. I’d love to be a support on your journey.

 

 

Justine Porges